Grandpa Richards Kids

Goal # 3 for Positive Parenting: Limit Angry Outbursts

As we already talked about, everyone gets angry. What we do with that anger is what matters. In many families, it’s not just the anger of parents that is the problem. In a home where yelling is acceptable, kids often model the same behavior. If there is a lot of yelling or more abusive name-calling and fighting in your home, here are some ideas for a more serene home.

• Make sure your expectations are clear. Many times we make assumptions that our spouses or our children understand what we want them to do. For younger children, tasks need to be broken down into smaller components (ex. get your hat, put it on, get your boots, put them on).
• Take a moment to calm down. Not all situations need to be addressed immediately. If you need some time to calm down, take it. If just a few seconds or minutes won’t do, call a friend or family friend to give you some time for a real break to calm down.
• Make sure they know why. This will vary from situation to situation and depend on the age of your child, but your family members need to understand why something might be bothering you. If you have a headache and your child is endlessly hammering on his toy piano, yelling them to stop playing isn’t going to make much sense. After all, it’s her toy and she is using it in the way it was intended. You can always explain that you have a headache and suggest an alternate, more quiet activity.
• Parents Get Cranky When They’re Hungry & Tired Too: We know our children have “moods” when they’re hungry or need more sleep. We, as adults, react the same way. Make sure your needs are taken care of.
• Decide What’s Worth “Fighting for”: Sometimes we get ourselves worked up about things that are insignificant in life. Is it worth exploding over every sock left on the floor? Choose your battles wisely because a constant battleground in your home is not helping anyone.
• Make it Okay to Share Feelings: It’s okay to share angry feelings, including your children, but it should be done with words and in a calm manner.
• Set Consequences for Inappropriate Outbursts: Children need to understand there are consequences of hitting, name-calling or other abusive behavior.